Rindu.

01:10

Here I am, menulis untuk untuk hati sendiri.

My last draft was on 19th March 2018.. 

I wrote about my internship and how fucked up I was back then. How lonely it was, going to psychiatrist on your own. Drown in those loud thoughts. And another cycle of deep sleep after another. 

But hey, I'm still here still fucked up more than I've ever was. My failing life. My 5 years relationship is gone too. And there's myself to blame. 

Life in 2020?

Pandemic, bro. To sum up this year. 

August 2020: I went to to Perlis w my favourite person (at that time obviously..), as our last trip together. My bestfriend's wedding. Semua cantik. Terlalu cantik sebagai memori. I'll cherish the moments,

Engkau tahu, rasa bila kau terasa nak share something silly w someone, but the person is no longer there, engkau tibatiba jadi dungu. Teruskan salahkan diri sendiri. It was my fault, jadi obsessed dekat game sampai abandoned semua benda. Game is not reality. I failed myself.

I failed myself;

And realised it when it's too late.

Kadang rasa macam kelakar, dulu aku selalu terfikir, 'Macam mana people can suddenly decided they no longer wanted that relationship? Like bangun pagi and be like "I'm done".' And the answer is, tawar hati. You can no longer make up your mess.